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Do you have a daughter or maybe like us you have a few beauties running around and likely singing, dancing, giggling, screaming or all of the above lol? We have three daughters and you know what, they are AWESOME! Our house is so full, I can go on and on because I’m their Mom but I will save that for another day.
What I really love is how different they all are. It adds to the fun right! What I do not love is the drama. Let’s be honest, girls kinda come with drama. Having three daughters, we were told this over and over and OVER again from anyone and everyone! And, when you have only daughters, you are surrounded by nothing but girls we love it but as my girls (and their friends) get older, there is definitely the chance of more drama, they are growing up, hormonal, changing, testing, all of it!
Since my husband and I have been told for the last thirteen years how dramatic our future was going to be, we decided early to do our best to teach our girls how to not only avoid the drama but how to be pro-active and try to prevent it. Now like I said, my girls are all different and of course, they aren’t perfect but they are great girls doing their best! They all handle advice differently depending on their personality and the circumstances and that’s okay. It’s our job as their parents to give them the advice but they need to learn how to navigate with it on their own.
In every situation with our daughters, we as their parents (especially us moms) need to think before we talk. I wish I could say that I nail this every time but, I don’t. We really need to try though because we are their example. Wanting to react as a Mama Bear in every situation is normal but it’s not the answer and as your daughter gets older, she needs to learn to make her own choices and learn how to handle tough situations. We need to guide them through this and give them the tools they need to handle things on their own.
Life is what it is, there are going to be mean people, rude people, lying, cheating and a whole lot of drama! We need to teach our children how to handle this! If we continually do it for them, they will crumble be on their own and crumble at the first instance of confrontation or disappointment! Now the thought of that is what really bothers me. This is why we are teaching our girls how to handle these situations now. While we are with them, near them and supporting them. I mean that is our job right? We will always be for them but they will eventually be on their own and as important as good grades and success are, character and life skills are a necessity!
Next year we will have two daughters in Middle School. They say that is when the drama really starts and I hate to disappoint but it’s WAY before then so, start thinking about these tips and teaching these tips early. They will help them handle the unavoidable situations that start in elementary school.
We are not perfect parents but through the years, we have learned a lot! When our girls are confronted with drama although not unbreakable, they handle most situations pretty well on their own. Here is what we have taught them.
Avoid the Drama
Sounds simple right? It shouldn’t. Even as an adult, I feel like it’s always around and easy to get sucked into especially when it comes to social media! If I am feeling pressured by it as an adult, I can’t imagine the pressure my daughters feel!
Aside from my 13-year-old on Pinterest, we have decided that our girls are not allowed on social media. Not forever but, for now. Can I just tell you how much that decision helps them to avoid the drama? I am not anti-social media at all and definitely see the good in it but my girls are young and the daily stories that I see or hear of happening on Snap Chat, Instagram, Musically and other social media sites is so sad, hurtful and just crazy and until our girls are older, they have no reason to need these apps. True, they can’t really avoid them but they have also seen and experienced the pain they cause and until they are older, they don’t need the additional distraction or stress!
Also Read: Are You A Dramatic Parent
When the Drama Comes to You, Confront or Walk Away
Drama is inevitably going to find our kiddos despite how much they try to avoid it. Also, some kiddos are sucked in easier than others often by trying to “help”. When they are in one of these situations, they need to learn how to handle it themselves so teach them. Don’t immediately jump in.
First, you can teach them to confront the situation. If someone is coming up to my child and being rude or dramatic to them, I tell them to confront that person. Let them know that the way that they are acting is not okay and hurtful. If someone is coming up to them gossiping or telling them how they were being rude or hurtful to someone else, confront them! Tell them how that is not okay.
Now not all kids or situations are the same and often times I tell my daughters it’s easier to walk away and often times, this is the best solution! Many things not worth their time. I know that this is kinda hard for one of my girls and that’s fine, she will just have to learn how to handle that (like I mentioned, all kiddos are different) but it really is the simplest of great advice!
You Don’t HAVE to be Right
Okay, I’m going to go pop culture on you with this one. Have you heard the Meghan Trainor Song “Let You Be Right“? The chorus says “I don’t wanna fight tonight, I’ma let you be right” or I am sure you have read the book or seen the movie Wonder right? “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind”. Both of these are super awesome quotes! I am constantly reminding my girls that they don’t always have to be right, even if they are actually correct! I mean really, is it worth the conflict and drama? Nope!
How to Teach Your Child to Prevent the Drama
Kill Them with Kindness
More pop-culture brought to you by Selena Gomez (her song, Kill Them with Kindness). On a side note I think it’s great to see so many in Hollywood and Music Artists recognizing that society is needing these reminders and focus right now because love ’em or hate ’em, they are an influence. Especially on kids!
Okay, moving on. So growing up, this kindness thing was pushed the most by my Mother because she is ridiculously kind and you know what, seriously everyone loves her and all her sweetness. It’s awesome! My point with this is that kindness is HUGE and for our kids who are always looking to be liked and accepted by their peers (they all want this no matter what they tell you), being kind is a great place to start! I try to remind my girls that in every situation, they need to be kind. I understand that this isn’t always easy but it’s important to try. It will often defuse a hot situation that can cause you guessed it….more drama.
You Really Don’t Know What’s Going on in Someone Else’s Life
Unintentionally, this is pop-culture as well from the newish “13 Reasons Why Series“.
My girls and I have always talked a lot about not knowing what’s going on in someone else’s life or even their day. I remind our girls that we always have to be mindful of this! Sometimes this may be the reason behind the drama so like I mentioned before, remind your children not to take it personally. In these times, we need to be empathetic and yes, kind (you are finishing my sentences now).
Be Friendly & Stop Judging
When I was growing up, everyone was in a clique and people were easily stereotyped. Think Breakfast Club (why not, this post is taking on a pop-culture life of its own). Looking back, it was really kinda sad! Why so judgy? Nothing made me better than any of them, we were just different. Judging is ridiculous! Hubby and I joke around and say if we met in high school, we definitely would not have dated. Again, sad but sadly true.
I do believe that things are changing though and I sure hope it continues! Encourage your children to be friendly to EVERYONE and not to judge! I remind them that just because you are friendly doesn’t mean you have to be besties! Everyone is different and will connect better with others that are more like them, this makes sense but that doesn’t mean you have to shut out the rest of the world. We tell our girls that if they see people by themselves or looking down of even someone that may be a bit of an outsider, reach out to these people, say hello, show them love, show them that you care and include them. If no one chooses them to be their partner in class, encourage your child to partner with them! It will not kill them and the positive impact will far outweigh the slight awkwardness my daughter might feel.
Hang out with Those That Lift You up
I think this is a biggie that many people are teaching their children right now and it makes sense right? You want to surround yourself with people that lift you up! Friends that will laugh with you, cry with you, support you and just love you for being you! You don’t need everyone to love you or even like you because not everyone will and that is just fine! Just make sure that you surround yourself with those people that do! Those are the people that will make the biggest impact on your life and often the ones that will be your life-long connections and friends!
Forgive and Forget
I think this one is a perfect wrap up for this post. We all know that no one is perfect and we all have bad days! Often on those bad days, people are grumpy and unkind and the saying is true “we hurt the ones we love the most”. So when your daughter comes home upset, just remind them of all of these. Tell them that sometimes, they just need to forgive and forget. Being a kiddo is tough and they are learning a lot about themselves and how to treat others so it’s important that they learn about grace through forgiveness as well!
I hope these tips are helpful, I want to remind you, as parents to use your best judgment in every situation and although it is important that we let our children handle these situations themselves you still need to be involved and aware! Also, if a situation needs adult involvement, step in! It’s okay! Again, use your best judgment!
Make sure you PIN this to come back to for the school year and share with your friends to remind them that they are not alone in this parenting thing.
Loved this.
Thank you so much Rachel! I am so glad!
This is great advice. As a mother of three young girls, I often joke that when they’re teens, I’ll be out drowning myself in work and let hubby confront the drama. My girls are 3, 3, and 5, and they are all already very dramatic (like mother like daughter perhaps..) I won’t be saving this advice for later, instead I’ll be taking it into use immediately. Thank you for such a wonderful post!
Awesome Ida! Girls are so fun! Hahaha, yeah I suppose you are right with the mom/daughter thing lol. That is probably why my girls are dramatic lol! I am so glad you enjoyed it, I appreciate the comment! Thanks love!
Very inspiring! 💜💜💜
Thank you so much Alexandra! Glad you enjoyed it!
Beautiful post and thank you for sharing it. I have 2 daughters, they are so different from each other and as a parent, we are learning every day, and
Thank you so much beauty! Yeah, my daughters are crazy different as well. I completely agree, being a parent can be tough sometimes but it’s important that we are constantly learning and adjusting our parenting. We even have to parent each child a little differently. =)
I really love this post. This has great advice. My teen cousins are facing a lot of drama in school. It is terrible to see how rude children can be! I know the younger kids hate to hear it, but they must avoid the drama! It’s the best solution! Great post.
Thank you so much Hannah! It’s tough stuff right!? And yes, steering clear is the best and it is SO tough sometimes. My oldest is definitely good about this but my middle struggles. When she does actually avoid it, she sees that it was a wier choice lol.
Avoiding social media is the best thing to avoid drama as you said. As I also believe facebook mostly is full of fake people. You can’t just believe anyone there. And I love the forgive and forget saying. As I myself do that. I forgive people easily and try to forget all 🙂
Thank you so much Nisha! I absolutely agree that people aren’t always being their true selves on Social Media. Our kids have so much more to deal with today and I think we just need to continue to guide them through it. ANd ultimately yep, mistakes are made but we are all human so forgiving our friends and moving on is so huge! Thank you for the comment!
Ugh Not looking forward to this. I have a boy. But in my experience as a girl who hung out with mostly guys, they can be just as bad, if not worse, when it comes to the drama! Great tips.
Thanks so much Lisa! I think you make a great point and I completely agree! Boys can be dramatic as well!
I completely agree Lisa. I didn’t have many female friends until I was much older because growing up, well… boys were less drama. After about 12 it seemed that even they became a nuisance from time to time. Its a good reminder that whether we are raising young men or women, we need to teach our babies how to react to the world when its showing an uglier side of itself.
This was a great read! I also am a mother to three girls. I will admit that one of my bigger fears for them is the ugly side of growing up with social media. I’m glad this is a topic that is out there and being addressed!! Thank you!
Thank you Kiersty! Yay, three girls is a blast right! Yes, we actually completely avoid social media. We tried and it instantly became ugly. My girls are still at an age where we don’t feel there is any positive influence from it. I do still get to hear about all the social media drama from their friends though and it just confirms our decision to keep them social media free for now.
Thank you so much for writing this post. After a few weeks of hearing about the constant drama in Grade 3(!!!) and feeling like a broken record with my daughter telling her to ignore the drama, be kind etc, your post inspired me to keep at it. We just want our beautiful girls to be happy and unfortunately they have to start building a strong character now when they are young (earlier than ever) to get through life as strong independent minds women.
I always tell my girls, the blueprint you lay as a child will be the foundation for yourself as an adult.
Hi Cristy! Thank you so much for your comment! I am so glad that this post gave you encouragement. I have to believe that our girls are actually hearing us, I think we can see it in the way that they are blossoming. I love what you said “the blueprint you lay as a child will be the foundation for yourself as an adult”. It is so simply put and very true!
Both of your daughters have social media accounts, you just don’t know about them. It’s better to teach kids how to manage the world they live in, rather than to pretend they are not ready to engage because you know best. You were probably born in the 70’s or very early 80’s. For you, social media is just another form of communication. For your girls, it’s the primary mode of communication among normal teens. They don’t text, they DM people. I am a mother of a 15 year-old boy, and a 16 year-old girl. They are both great student, and healthy fun loving/headed teens! I am also a clinical therapist, that will advise you to help your kids navigate the world they live in, and stop trying to show them how you avoided drama in the world you lived in. Not having social media at 13, would be like a college student not knowing how to use the internet…
to do research in 2004.