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Last week I had posted about Dealing with School Drama, I have three girls and drama is unavoidable (keep in mind, a reader reminded me that drama is not just a girl thing) but there are things that we can do to help. I think the most important thing is to be the example!
Let me be honest here. When I was a teen I know I wasn’t the nicest. One of my best friends as a teen and now as an adult told me that I was mean when we first met. Sad, that was hard to hear but even sadder, that didn’t change me back then. I was still a snot, gossiped with my friends, we were judgy and just not very nice. I remember thinking that being ornery and teasing everyone was giving me positive feedback since everyone was laughing. The gossiping and judgy talk made me feel included. Looking back, it’s all really unfortunate, not only did I hurt my friends but others as well.
What is crazy to me is that there are still so many parents wrapped up in this way of life and as easy as it is to get sucked into this, DON’T! We have to be better examples to our kids, we are the first ones that they watch and learn from. Also, it’s okay to admit that you are guilty of it because I think we all at one point or another. We are all human, it’s normal (it’s kinda like rubbernecking a car accident, you just can’t help it). Being aware is what’s important and it helps us to change our behavior.
If this is something you don’t struggle with, that’s great but consider this, it might look different than it did in High School.
I think that this dramatic lifestyle as an adult or even a parent does look different than we all might be thinking. Of course, there is the typical, gossiping, judging, rudeness that we are all thinking of but here are some not so obvious dramatic behaviors as adults. Honestly, I struggle with some of these at times and I don’t think I’m alone.
Respect Others Choices
I get so frustrated when myself or another parent makes a decision that they feel is best for their family and someone else tries to talk them out of it. Often this is because the other person thinks that their choice is better. We need to respect what people choose to do for their families. We are not them nor do we have the same family. What works for you may not necessarily work for everyone else. Advice is one thing, trying to undermine someone’s decision is completely different and not okay.
Keep Things in Confidence
Many of us have a group or multiple groups of close-knit friends. If one of those friends comes to you in confidence with something, you need to keep it to yourself. This is not for your other friends to know or hear and if it is, she will tell you that it’s okay. If you are typically someone that tells your spouse everything and you think you will be tempted to share with him. Be upfront and let your friend know if she isn’t okay with that then respect that.
Also Read: Celebrate Your Mom Tribe
We really need to pay attention to this one because I guarantee your kids do! Stop hating on everyone and everything. I think sometimes as parents we do this to make ourselves or our kids feel better or look better and it’s not okay. I think an example of this one would be good.
After Dance Class, your daughter comes out sad and frustrated that a classmate is so much better than her. Parents will at times downplay the success of that other child or maybe say they are “Teacher’s Pet”. This isn’t the way to handle it. It’s better to refocus on your child and their success and improvements and remind them not to compare. It’s easy to fall into this because your child is clearly defeated but think before you react.
Don’t Take Things Too Personal
I talk about this in my Dealing With School Drama post as well and I think women are worse than men but, we can all be guilty. I feel like sometimes our feelings get hurt unnecessarily. We make things out to be something that they are not. Let’s say two of your friends want to go out for a drink without you, it’s okay. Or maybe a good friend put their kid in a camp and never mentioned it to you, again, it’s okay. If some of your friend’s kids are closer to each other than they are with your kids, IT’S OKAY! It’s rare that any of this has anything to do with you or your family and even if it does, it is not worth the additional drama to confront the situation. Ride it out, your friends love you and it will pass. Sometimes friendships just need a little break.
Quit Stealing the Success of Others
Okay, I am guilty of this one. I am so sorry friends! When your friends come to you with their success or their child’s achievements, don’t respond back talking about how great your kids are. As someone who believes that bragging about your kiddos is a good thing (read why here). This is not the time, it comes off as trying to one-up them. For me, I do it because what they say reminds me of something I am proud of so I just jump in and spew it all over them. It’s rude. I am genuinely happy and excited for them or their kiddos and I need to tell them that and share before I jump in about my life and crew.
Social Media Drama
I think this goes without saying but hen I see a post that reminds me it needs to be said. Don’t air your dirty laundry on social media. Don’t stir up drama, don’t get involved or comment on drama, don’t “vagebook”, don’t do any of it. Keep things real and positive and AVOID THE DRAMA!
Share this with your friends, I know you are thinking of someone that might need it, the reminders are great for everyone!