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I knew early on that having girls would one day mean make-up. I often wondered when that would start and would often say maybe lip gloss and blush in middle school but nothing more until high school – I, of course, was joking…kinda. Do you find yourself saying the same or maybe even no make-up at all until high school?
Why or Why Not?
Now tell me why or why not? For me, I didn’t really have a reason why. I mean my girls weren’t quite there yet but I wasn’t even giving it a chance. When I thought of my girls and make-up, I pictured them looking like they did when they were three years old getting into my red lipstick and mascara. I mean seriously, I wanted to spare them from that but in all reality, I knew that it wasn’t going to be like that. I think I just wanted to have control. We as moms are kinda like that right? In one way or another, we like having control. I think it’s because it keeps our busy lives running smoothly if we have complete control and it helps us to avoid the unexpected drama that is so anticipated as our girls get older. We as Moms like having control and are often quick to say no but as our children get older, they are coming into their own and having their own interests and something like wearing a little make-up is really not worth the argument and heartbreak that we may be causing our daughters.
Least of Your Worries
Years ago, I was in a conversation with a very wise friend and mother of 4 daughters. After telling her something like “my daughters will never wear make-up (lol)”, she smiled and reminded me that we must choose the battles with our children. We discussed what a blessing our daughters were (and still are) and how maybe, something like wearing make-up is really not worth the strain it may cause on your relationship. I have always admired this woman as a mother and friend and respected her input.
We continued on, chatting about our girls and it really got me thinking. Her daughters are truly amazing young women. They were great girls, they had great grades, stayed out of trouble, they were involved in school activities, church and community outreach, they were kind and respectful and the perfect example for my younger girls who loved them to pieces! My friend continued to point out how there are so many other things that are more important in our child’s life, especially as they hit the tween and teen ages. Wearing make-up is one of the least of our worries. Likely, your daughter is a good girl, she’s kind, respectful and tries her best in school. I had thought about it and if it is really important to our daughter to wear make-up, we will just let them wear make-up. Oh and if you are curious, hubby was pretty indifferent on this subject, we discussed a bit but ultimately he left it in my hands.
Teach Them How to Wear Make-Up
Just the other day, a friend told me that she and her 10-year-old daughter had an argument that ended in mutual frustration. Her daughter was really wanting to wear make-up and mom immediately told her no. She continued on saying how she didn’t want her daughter to look like a hussy and that she’s just too young. I had surprised my friend a bit when my response was that “I let my 9-year-old wear make-up”. She was a bit embarrassed and apologetic but it didn’t offend me at all. I mean just years prior, I was on in her same position.
As our daughters get older, our relationships with them change a bit. They get more independent and want to do things that are a bit more grown up. They may be feeling like we say “No” to everything and sometimes we do. Sadly, I think it’s because it’s easier. Maybe, just maybe if we take a minute to say “yes”, things will actually turn out better than expected. Giving them your trust and responsibility goes a long way no matter how small.
I told my friend how I discussed with my girls how to wear make-up that is natural and appropriate for their age. My girls get it, they don’t want to look like adults, they just want to have fun and feel pretty. I took my daughters make-up shopping and we had a great time. They showed me what they liked, we discussed what looks good and appropriate for their age, what colors look best on them and why. We also looked at brands that were good quality for our budget. Not to mention, their budget because I would much rather them buy some pale lip gloss instead of another stuffy or squishy lol!
My girls loved that I was saying “yes” to something and over time I am realizing that in the big picture, subjects like wearing make-up are really not a big deal. Me allowing it gives them way more joy and confidence than me preventing it and causing frustration.
My friend was kind and grateful for the conversation. She and her daughter came to an agreement on some natural colors that they both loved. Again, if we take a step back and really think about what they are asking and maybe HOW to say yes, it means so much to our daughters.
What is Appropriate?
Prior to 6th grade, we all agree that light and natural is best. They’re still little girls but it’s fun for them and makes them feel included with mommy and older sisters. My youngest will wear a sheer lip gloss and super light blush, she loves it and nobody can really tell. We like Essence for my girls make-up. They are an awesome budget friendly, cruelty free company with colors and products that cater to tweens and teens. For lips try Nude Kiss or Transparent. For cheeks try Coral Dream or Light Up Your Face: Luminizer Palette.
Come 6th grade, I give my girls permission to wear anything but to keep the colors natural and complimentary. Again, they don’t need nor want to look like an adult. Ultimately, all my girls really wear is light mascara. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because we are saying yes? Anyhow, again, we love Essence. Try Lash Princess or the classic Maybelline Great Lash. Prior to both of these though, I suggest clear mascara to get them used to putting it on. Also, take time to teach your daughter how to apply their make-up. Also, let them get some “fun make-up” that they can play with at home.
It’s actually fun and can create some great mother and daughter bonding. Share this with your friends and give me your thoughts!
Heather, I really love your balanced perspective on kids wearing makeup. Before I had kids I thought the same “I would never” about makeup and nail polish. Since becoming a mom, I have noticed with my little one (who is only two and a half 🙈) that she just wants to be like mommy (me). I had a bunch of lip glosses and make up that she always wanted to wear (in the house) but the colors were too adult for her. So one day I got a sale on some lip glosses that’s I love and I intentionally bought a sheer shimmery lip gloss just for her. It was actually a splurge but it’s something special that she appreciates and now she knows to use her own lip gloss instead of mine and she can even wear it in public. Also, sometimes when I’m putting on makeup, I’ll take the makeup brushes when they’re clean and pretend I’m doing her makeup and she loves it. We also have spa days at home where I put lotion on her face as a mask and we exfoliate our feet with a natural sugar scrub. I totally spoil her and I have no shame lol. Like you said, we have to pick and choose our battles, understand our kids’ motivations, and help them make age-appropriate adjustments. We don’t always have to say a straight up “No.” This keeps them from having one more reason to close themselves off to us when they get older. Anyway, I loved this post!
Thank you so much for your comment Imani! You are absolutely right and I love it. These sweet girls just want to be like us and isn’t it the best feeling? It’s important that we do spoil them and enjoy those moments that seem so fleeting. =)
I love this concept. My daughter and I bicker pretty regularly about make up. An aunt gifted her a set for a holiday and I’ve since kept it in my room and she’s allowed to play with it when we aren’t going anywhere on weekends and such. No wearing to school, etc. It would be so much easier to say yes!
She’s only 7 though, what are your thoughts? (And an immature 7 at that).
She can hardly have chapstick in her possession without licking it or applying it so thick and constantly that it’s up to her cheekbones and ruined for future use.
I’ve taught her several times the appropriate way to use such products but she just can’t seem to find a lighter and less enthusiastic hand haha.
Because of this I have come to the conclusion that she just isn’t old enough but your article has me rethinking my decisiOn. What is your opinion?
Hi Kiersten. I am so sorry for my dealay on this, I must have missed the notification. I say let her wear it! I think finding her pale colors will help, I don’t think you would even notice heavy application with those but she will still notice the sheen and subtle color it adds. Another idea (you may be doing) is to get her brushes instead of sponges and that will help a bit with the application. I think maybe just discussing it and finding a happy medium on what she can wear is important (make sure that both of you are giving a bit so that it is mutual). Also, if she ruins the make-up I would not buy her more. My younger girls buy their own makeup most of the time for that exact reason and it’s amazing how it’s lasting longer and not getting lost. I hope this helps and I’d love to hear what you gals decide!